My query weary…..


So here is the query I am sending out. I have of course edited out the contact info, simply because anyone who needs to contact me already can, all others use LJ. This is just for your amusement. If you want to critique it feel free.

Dear Agent,

Since killing the monster who took the lives of his wife and children Deacon Chalk has had one rule and one rule only.

He does not work for the monsters. He kills them.

So why would a vampire try to hire him to kill someone? After enforcing his one rule Deacon goes to meet the target, a vampire hunter named Nyteblade. After all, he would want someone to tell him if there was a bounty on his head.

In the alley where he was supposed to kill Nyteblade he finds the vampire hunter waiting.

Waiting to stake him.

A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.

Someone has set Deacon up. Someone wants him dead.

Someone should have sent more vampires.

Bound and determined, he will find out who tried to kill him no matter how many vampires, were-spiders, cursed immortals, undead strippers, or insanely powerful hell-bitches he has to wade through.

At just over 77,000 words NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE is a concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.

It will appeal to fans of Laurell K. Hamilton, Jim Butcher, as well as those who watch the television show Supernatural.

This is the first book of a series and the full manuscript, plot synopsis, and sample chapters are available immediately upon request. BROTHERS OF MARROW AND BONE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK TWO is being written at this time with books three and four outlined and plotted.

As per the instructions provided I am including the first five pages of NYTEBLADE for your consideration.

Thank you so very much for your time,

James R. Tuck

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224 Comments

  1. Good luck
    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.
    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)
    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.
    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  2. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  3. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  4. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  5. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  6. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  7. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  8. Good luck
    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.
    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)
    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.
    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  9. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  10. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  11. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  12. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  13. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  14. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  15. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  16. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  17. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  18. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  19. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  20. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  21. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  22. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  23. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  24. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  25. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  26. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  27. Good luck

    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.

    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)

    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.

    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  28. Good luck
    I think you are using some redundant sentences. You may want to look over it, and see if you can make it sound more concise.
    Take out concisely written. Leave dark urban fantasy, action packed tale. Maybe lead with the sentence of who this book will appeal to. Try to take out the as well as part of the sentence. It takes out the oomph and makes you come from a weaker standpoint(my viewpoint)
    Rewrite that last sentence. Use enclosing instead of including.
    You may want to take a look at who the agent for Ilona Andrews(including her past one), C.E. Murphy, Jim Butcher, the romance author who wrote about Bones the vampire and the half vampire thing, the guy who wrote the zombie stories set in Seattle.

  29. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.
    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.
    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  30. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  31. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  32. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  33. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  34. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  35. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  36. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.
    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.
    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  37. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  38. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  39. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  40. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  41. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  42. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  43. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  44. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  45. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  46. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  47. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  48. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  49. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  50. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  51. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  52. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  53. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  54. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  55. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.

    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.

    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  56. Ooh, I love vamp stories. I’m by no means a query expert, but I think you might be able to improve this. The story sounds interesting, but I was a little confused by “A horde of vampires descend to finish the job once Deacon discovers that Nyteblade is a bumbling, fumbling, wanna-be instead of a badass vampire hunter.” What job? Deacon didn’t take the job to kill Nyte. Is Nyte supposed to kill Deacon? It’s not clear (to me). And I’m not sure why Deacon’s discovery of Nyte’s bumbling etc. caused the vamps to finish the job.
    You also might consider taking out the rhetorical question. Most agents hate them.
    Love the line: Someone should have sent more vampires. šŸ™‚

  57. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.
    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”
    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.
    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.
    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.
    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”
    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”
    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.
    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE
    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.
    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  58. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  59. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  60. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  61. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  62. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  63. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  64. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.
    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”
    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.
    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.
    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.
    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”
    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”
    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.
    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE
    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.
    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  65. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  66. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  67. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  68. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  69. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  70. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  71. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  72. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  73. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  74. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  75. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  76. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  77. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  78. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  79. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  80. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  81. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  82. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  83. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.

    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”

    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.

    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.

    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.

    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”

    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”

    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.

    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE

    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.

    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  84. There’s some overkill here, way too much time spent on the initial set up that doesn’t, in the end, have much bearing on the plot, and that title is going to scare anyone off. Additionally, there’s no explanation why the story is named after some OTHER character when Deacon is the supposedly the main character.
    So basically, someone coming to the story fresh gets: “Bad ass monster killer with dreadful backstory is hired by a vampire to kill someone and so then kills the vampire and then goes to meet the guy he’s supposed to kill, you know, to let him know, and then finds out he’s a loser but that he’s also been set up and then he kills all those vampires and then…”
    Um…. yeah. Then the story starts? There is a WAY less convoluted way to get into what the actual story is, and to explain why you are calling the book after some loser who, as written, we wonder if he survives the first chapter. Do they join forces? Is this a bad-ass/goofball buddy sory? Does he pretend to be Nyteblade because Nyte has the rep and Deacon has the know-how? Is this a Remington Steele kind of thing? There’s no clue in the actual query.
    By the way, the question is NOT a “rhetorical” one. A rhetorical question is when the answer is obvious. here, the fact that the answer is NOT obvious is the whole point. It’s the whole point of the story — why is someone doing this? Why is someone after him? who? etc.
    Nevertheless, it still doesn’t belong here.
    Now, onto this:
    “concisely written, action-packed, dark urban fantasy tale. It is set in a rich and varied supernatural world and contains a new origin for vampires I have never seen before.”
    No. Cut it ALL. It is not your place in the query to make qualitative comments about your own work. Additionally, all “I’ve never seen before” signals to an industry pro is that you aren’t well-read. Let THEM decide that you have a really original vampire premise. The most I would put is “unusual origin for vampires” — you want to get across “something a little different” — because if they decide that it’s something similar to something else (and you would be surprised what someone might consider similar to something else) you not only lose all credibility, but you’re annoying them straight off the bat. The automatic response to this kind of claim is “oh yeah? Doubt it.”
    You’re better off saying it’s an action packed urban fantasy with an unusual vampire origin story.
    Now, the title:
    NYTEBLADE: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE
    Is going to scare every agent for miles. Call it NYTEBLADE (if you can adequately explain why a book about Deacon is called that, otherwise, change the title, becuase the book MUST stand on its own) and then later, make some sort of comment about how you could easily envision writing more stories about Deacon Chalk, occult bounty hunter.
    The query letter is NOT the place to name other titles, especially if the subtitle is seven words long. It’s a waste of space and it’s more than a little intimidating. Also, you don’t need to offer every permutation of every chapter of your novel. They assume that if the full manuscript is available, sample chapters are also available.

  85. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.
    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.
    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.
    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.
    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.
    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.
    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.
    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.
    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  86. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  87. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  88. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  89. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  90. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  91. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  92. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.
    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.
    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.
    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.
    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.
    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.
    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.
    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.
    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  93. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  94. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  95. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  96. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  97. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  98. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  99. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  100. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  101. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  102. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  103. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  104. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  105. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  106. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  107. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  108. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  109. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  110. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  111. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.

    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.

    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.

    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.

    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.

    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.

    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.

    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  112. Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.
    I have to say I like my query though. I am not above criticism at all, but I am pretty happy with the query.
    It fits the tone of the book I wrote.
    And the tagline is like any other tagline. It won’t be on the cover as big as the title. (like the Ivy League Novels.) But it is important to the identity of the book and the series.
    And I am querying the series. That is what I am interested in writing and selling.
    As for the title, it’s the best I can come up with. It applies to the story since Nyteblade being used in the set up is the match to the powderkeg of the story. I know it is a cheesy-ass “urban fantasy cliche” name, but the character Nyteblade is a wanna-be vampire hunter and he is as lame as they come. I would be willing to change it, but I cannot query a book called UNTITLED DARK URBAN FANTASY: DEACON CHALK OCCULT BOUNTY-HUNTER BOOK ONE.
    lol.
    But again, thank you one and all for your comments, I do really appreciate them. Keep them coming.
    I have sent 16 queries, received 4 rejections and last night received a request for a synopsis and the first 50 pages from someone that I would LOVE to decide to represent me.
    Keep your fingers crossed y’all.

  113. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.
    that’s what I’m saying.
    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.
    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.
    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)
    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.
    Fingers crossed on the request!

  114. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  115. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  116. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  117. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  118. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  119. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  120. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.
    that’s what I’m saying.
    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.
    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.
    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)
    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.
    Fingers crossed on the request!

  121. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  122. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  123. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  124. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  125. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  126. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  127. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  128. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  129. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  130. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  131. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  132. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  133. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  134. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  135. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  136. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  137. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  138. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  139. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.

    that’s what I’m saying.

    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.

    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.

    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)

    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.

    Fingers crossed on the request!

  140. I never called my books with a tagline. That tagline was added (against my will, but that’s neither here nor there) by the publisher (the PERSON, not the company) after the cover had been designed, after the book had been edited and marketed, after it had been bought and slotted by a publisher as a series, after my agent had sold it, after my agent had signed me, and many, many, many steps after a query letter.
    that’s what I’m saying.
    I still deny that is a series title, and I will NEVER allow that to happen to me again. It’s SO inappropriate.
    And whether or not you’re interested in writing a series and how you envision the cover fonts is not the point at the level of the agent query. What appears on the cover is not important when you are sending a query. I’ve only ever published a book with my original title once, so to me, the point is to try to query the best BOOK that you can, and then, when you have an agent, when you have a publisher, you can go into the whole marketing of the series. Because if the book doesn’t capture people’s imagination, there will not be a series. I know way too many people who have had their series canceled after a book or two, or people who have sold stand alones that their publishers insist on turning into a series, and what I hear from agents over and over is that marketing a series in a query letter is putting the cart before the horse. Pretty much every agent blog out there lists it as a turn off.
    (And honestly, you’re better off calling the first book exactly that. Deacon Chalk: Occult Bounty Hunter. Think of it like the Pilot of a TV show. It sets the stage for everything else.)
    Something to think about — and maybe moot if this partial request turns into a full request turns into an offer. But if not, that’s my suggestion.
    Fingers crossed on the request!

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