ASS + CHAIR (or bed) = WRITING or how I stopped outlining and learned to love the laptop.


600 words.

Doesn’t sound like much does it?

Unless you are a writer.

No it is not a personal best. I have clocked in around 3000 words in some of the marathon sessions on the First Novel. However, these 600 words poured out like a fine wine. They were oil slick smooth as they filled the pages.

And it was the beginning of the NEW book, the “thank-you-very-much-Brangwaine-for-your-suggestion” now named THE EXCALIBUR KEY, book. I am happy with the portrayal of the heroine. She is exactly as I want her, bored and timid having had no chance to blossom into her own power.

Now I was writing last night on the Crap Laptop. This thing is dedicated to just writing, has almost no programs other than word on it, and still runs like ballsack. It was given to me by my friend Jessie. So it works great for free, but that is hard to remember at 2am when you are still waiting for it to begin working after you turned it on at 1:30 am. However, free.

Then I was in the bedroom so I would not disturb the family. I do not have a lapdesk, so I made one out of a cardboard box. It works ok, but because I am 6’4 I have a lot of leg to fold inside the box, so the whole thing sits at an angle making my mouse dangle off the edge if I am not using it and threatening to send the Craptop flying if I so much as sneeze. However, free.

Then I have my dog in bed with me. Cash is a 100 pound American Bulldog. I love him to death, but he is a Cashole. Firstly, he has the worst gas ever. So I am sitting there, typing away and being assbombed by this dog who has a moldering corpse inside his intestines. And he is a bed hog. He continually shifts and slides closer and closer to me, making me slip ever so slightly on the slick sheets. Eventually I am typing with one ass cheek on the bed, and one on the nightstand.

Do you know how hard it is to get up when you are ass straddling the bed and the nightstand, on slick sheets, with your legs shoved into a cardboard box like a Chinese girl’s foot in binding slippers, trying to balance a free Craptop, with an American Bulldog bearing down on you inexorably like a frakkin glacier?

Let me tell you, it is like a frakkin comedy show.

Three Stooges meets Sealy Posturpedic.

But I got the words in.

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84 Comments

  1. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  2. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  3. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  4. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  5. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  6. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  7. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  8. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  9. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  10. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  11. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  12. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  13. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  14. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  15. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  16. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  17. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  18. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  19. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  20. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  21. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  22. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  23. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  24. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  25. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  26. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  27. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  28. Yikes, that’s a lot of obstacles to get some writing done. But you ARE getting writing done, so go you! 🙂

  29. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.
    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  30. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  31. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  32. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  33. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  34. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  35. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  36. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.
    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  37. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  38. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  39. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  40. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  41. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  42. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  43. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  44. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  45. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  46. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  47. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  48. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  49. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  50. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  51. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  52. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  53. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  54. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  55. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.

    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

  56. My two biggest obstacles to writing in bed aren’t only about 2 pounds each. I love my rats. I really, really do, but they are hard to type around when they try to climb onto the keyboard looking for attention, or trying to steal any snacks.
    These two boys don’t have bad gas, though some of them have been able to out-fart me.

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